Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
