On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
PANTIES FOUND
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