I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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