Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
