the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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