Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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