so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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