i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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