The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
