Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
