So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
