Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
