im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
