Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
