not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
