I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
