i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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