Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
