I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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