help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
