My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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