So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
