Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
