my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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