Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
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I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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