new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
