it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you