haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.