So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
