You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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