apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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