i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
