everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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