he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
