like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
