the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
