Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
