you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
