Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
