I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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