well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
