I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
