Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
