We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
