Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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