Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
its liver damage thursday
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