happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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