A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
