Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
