Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
