A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
