Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
