Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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