my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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