A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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