he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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