this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
