dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to calm my uterus...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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