I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
