Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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