Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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