i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thatβs true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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