The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
