I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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