she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
