I faked an abortion last night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
smell my finger.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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