is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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