New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
