Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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