If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Shame is for Republicans.
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