Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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